Anyone who has a toddler knows how easy it is for them to make things exponentially harder for you. Little tasks, easy things, chores that used to take minutes.....now take all day. Why? Let's take a glimpse into the few things I accomplish in a day:
1. Loading/Unloading the Dishwasher: First of all, no one LIKES to do this. I personally loathe it. But...someone's gotta do it! Well, that is, if you want a dish to eat out of. Before Jaxen came along I could do this with great skill and make good time. It's an easy thing to do, right? Well...now that Jaxen is quicker than lightning and more curious than any cat known to man...it makes for an interesting chore. As I'm loading, he's unloading. As I'm unloading, he's loading....with toys. Who knew that a pot lid was sooooo interesting? Or a fork? Or a huge knife?? Jaxen thinks anything and everything in the dishwasher is his new favorite toy and he must have them. If you tell him 'NO!' as he goes to grab that breakable coffee mug...it does not hinder him. Rather, it's like the yellow light that we all try to speed through. He just goes for it even faster! So, now this chore that previously took 5-10 minutes can take up to 30 minutes.
2. Makeup/Hair: Ok, I just recently got to where I could do this in less than 10 minutes because you have a limited amount of time to spend on yourself when a toddler is running a muck. But now, he likes to spend this time in the bathroom with me. Good thing, right? Hmm....let me explain. While I'm trying to keep from getting mascara on my cheeks he's turning the bath water on and off, full blast, and placing his hands under the glorious flow of water and spritzing the floor. He's opening all the drawers and cabinets and taking out the rubbing alcohol, mouthwash, and dog shampoo and immediately putting them in his mouth. He's turning on and off the light since he can now reach the switches. He's looking curiously at the toilet...keep a close eye!! Oh and taking your make up from the counter top and wielding it at the glass shower door. Oh...how privacy IS such a luxury!! So...in short, this now takes close to an hour. And everyone who knows me, knows the end result is still always a ponytail.
3. Folding Laundry: Another one of our beloved household conquests. Jaxen loves to throw clothes in the washer. He LOVES to help start the washer and dryer by pushing the buttons. He loves to dip his fingers in the dog's water bowl housed in the laundry room....oh wait. Amidst guarding the mini vacuum, the steamer and the dog bowls....I somehow manage to throw the dry clothes in a hamper. Drag it into the living room and proceed to fold. Well Jaxen likes to 'help.' I fold and fold and stack and stack...and Jaxen comes and ransacks. That rhymed, just saying. He'll grab a pile of the newly folded clothes and run as fast as he can and drop them piece by piece on the floor....where all the dog hair resides. Yay, clean clothes!
4. Doing ANYthing on the Computer: Checking a quick email, putting in that highest bid on eBay, making sure nothing exciting has happened on Facebook without your knowledge...all things that take mere moments, right? Wrong!!! Dare I touch my computer in Jaxen's presence. One of a few things could happen immediately after my palm rests on the mouse:
A. He screams uncontrollably as he is no longer the complete and utter center of my attention.
B. He runs as fast as he can to his room to retrieve as many books as he can carry so that he can throw them at you while you type. Ouch!
C. He screams 'Mickey, Mickey, Mickey!' until you give in and go to DisneyJunior.com to play online episodes for him. My how young they learn!!
D. He grabs the newly installed window blinds and shakes them uncontrollably until you are forced to get up to raise them. He now uses this quick second to run back to your seat and climb up to bang on your keyboard. How he gets YouTube pulled up so quickly is a mystery!
E. He disappears and you hear nothing for an extended amount of time...and then it dawns on you that he is probably now sabotaging something sacred and valuable.
Moral of the story here: save your computer time for when he is contained in his crib and snoring, preferably.
5. Grocery Shopping: Ahh....the dreaded trip to the grocery store. My most hated past time. And that was before I took Jaxen with me. Now I have to come armed with treats, water cup, dog (his woobie, if you will), toy cars, and anything else that may suppress embarrassing screams that are loud enough to make the hair stand up on your neck...three aisles over! Heaven forbid that we get to the store and the 'race car' grocery cart is already taken...this is a tragedy, things of horror films I tell you! You will learn to list your needed grocery items according to how the aisles are arranged in the store to save time. You will practically run down the aisles and grab what you can as you fly by and NEVER, no matter what you do...go down the toddler snack aisle! The rest of your trip will be haunted by loud 'SNACK!!!!' chants as you go down the remainder of the aisles. Don't say I didn't warn you!
Don't get me wrong. I LOVE having Jaxen with me all day. He's my traveling companion and pretty much my bestie. He loves me when I have no makeup on, when my crazy hair is down, when the dishes are dirty and piled in the sink, when we share books while I'm on the computer, when he shows me how to really fold laundry and especially when I buy him snacks from the store. You know how I know? He says 'I love you!' And that makes the long day of chores totally worth it!
